Jessica Frew doesn't wait for permission to be seen.
Motivational speaker, model and unapologetic advocate for the disabled community, Jess challenges everything people think they know about sexuality, desire, and who gets to take up space.
People often assume disabled bodies exist outside of sexual desire. How has this assumption affected you? When was the first time you became really aware of that assumption - and how did it land for you?
People automatically generalize me to have a severe cognitive neurological disability; in other words, they think I'm just looking into space, and they think I can’t live a normal, successful life or have sexual desires when they see me for the first time.
I want people to know I’m not just a woman in a wheelchair who is nonverbal. I’m so much more.
Yes, I’m a nonverbal disabled woman who communicates with an AAC device, but that doesn’t define me as a person or my sexual desire; it only makes me work 10 times harder to live a normal life and be successful.
I'm just a normal woman with sexual desire who lives a normal life, which looks different, but different is not a bad thing.
Jess wearing Medusa Bodysuit
Desire, Confidence & Reclaiming the Gaze
What does feeling sexy actually mean to you - not in theory, but in your body, on a real day?
I would have to say having confidence, feeling comfortable and good in your skin are the meaning of sexy.
Has your relationship with desire changed over time? If so, what instigated the change and how did that shape your world differently?
Yes, I was ashamed of myself and my sexual desires due to people’s assumptions, but I realized later on in life I can't control people’s assumptions or opinions, but I can control how it affects me mentally. So as I mentioned earlier, I stopped caring what people think and started loving myself and my sexual desires.
What’s something about your body that you’ve learned to love specifically because of the way it moves or exists differently?
I would have to say every part of my body, especially my feeding tube I had to learn to accept and truly love over the years. It has been a long, challenging journey in loving and accepting my body, but I finally did it.
Lingerie, Fashion & Power
Lingerie is often framed as something you wear for someone else. How do you wear it - and who do you wear it for?
I believe you should wear lingerie for yourself, not to impress or to pleasure someone else. With that said, I do wear lingerie with confidence, and I wear lingerie for myself.
How does it feel to see differently abled bodies styled as unapologetically sexual beings?
I don't have the words to describe how it feels to see differently abled bodies styled as unapologetically sexual beings now as a young woman because, as I mentioned, I was ashamed of myself and my sexual desires in my teens due to people’s assumptions and never seeing people with disabilities being unapologetically sexual beings in the media.
Now, seeing people with disabilities being unapologetically sexual in the media will inspire other people with disabilities to embrace and show off their sexual beings, including me.
Jess wearing Minna Bodice and Minna Thong
What does good lingerie give you that everyday clothing doesn't?
Wearing good lingerie just gives me a strong sense of confidence.
Have you ever worn something that made you think, “Oh. This changes how I take up space”?
No, I haven’t because lingerie just helps you feel confident or beautiful, but it doesn’t define who you are. Loving yourself changes how you take up space; lingerie just helps, but you should feel confident, beautiful, etc. regardless of what you are wearing.
Representation That Actually Matters
What would truly radical representation of disabled sexuality look like - not the watered-down version?
I truly believe radical representation of disabled sexuality should look how non-disabled sexuality is represented because disabled and non-disabled sexuality are the same; maybe there are some modifications during intimacy based on one's physical abilities, but that's about it for the difference.
What kind of imagery do you wish younger disabled people grew up seeing?
I wish younger disabled people grew up seeing people with disabilities being unapologetically sexual beings by modeling for lingerie brands, posting lingerie photos on social media, and talking about their sexuality.
Jess wearing Fringe Benefits Slip
Dating, Intimacy & Real Talk
How do assumptions about disability show up in dating - subtly or loudly?
40% of the guys I met online automatically thought it was illegal to date or be intimate with me, or they would hurt me during intimacy.
Has being disabled ever given you clarity about what you won’t accept in relationships?
Before I met my boyfriend, I was looking for fun or something very casual, to be honest, so I didn’t care until I got into a serious relationship. I was very clear with my boyfriend about what I wouldn't accept in our relationship; he did the same thing with me.
What’s one boundary you’ve learned to hold fiercely?
I would like to say being not truthful or respectful is a boundary I hold fiercely in my relationship.
How do you meet people to date?
I met my boyfriend and guys in the past on Tinder. Yes, I found love on Tinder surprisingly after going through my fair share of guys on that app, some in clubs, bars, etc. too.
Jess wearing Kyra Bodice and Brazilian
Thistle & Spire Energy
Thistle & Spire is about self-love that doesn’t apologize. What does unapologetic self-love look like in your life?
It looks like stopping thinking negatively about myself, stopping caring what people negatively think of me, just truly accepting and loving myself for who I am.
What does it feel like to align with a brand that wants to celebrate every person just as they are, and empower them to be their true authentic self?
Honestly, it is a dream come true to have this opportunity align with Thistle & Spire to show truly disabled sexuality representation and make a change in the industry as a nonverbal disabled lingerie model.
I'm so honored and thankful, and I hope I have another opportunity. Also, I truly hope this will inspire other brands to follow Thistle & Spire to be truly inclusive and diverse.
What’s something you want people to stop assuming about disabled bodies - immediately?
I want people to stop assuming disabled bodies are not sexual beings or don’t have sexual desires and stop assuming a disability defines who someone is.
What do you want more of in this world: louder desire, softer expectations, or fewer rules altogether?
I want to see disabled sexuality represented equally to non-disabled sexuality in the world and educate people about how disabled and non-disabled sexualities are the same.
LEARN MORE
Instagram: @jess_eliz_frew
Photographer: @michaelcreagh
Hair and Makeup: @sarahhhhhart
Location: @dreamdowntown
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